lipstick gives me life
Because every night I tell her about you.
|—||Shahrazad al-Khalij (via expiry)|
Why can’t there be a male hooter’s equivalent where male servers are shirtless and highly sexualized for their bodies and looks
Male Strip clubs. You’re thinking of male strip clubs.
No. Not a male strip club. A strip club is a strip club. I want a place called Cahones where waiters wear Speedos and are forced to stuff if they don’t fill out their uniform well enough. I want them to giggle for my tips. I want it to be so normalised and engrained in our culture that women bring their daughters there for lunch (because whaaaaaat the wings are good! Geeze sensitive much?) where they’ll give playful little nudges like, “Wouldn’t mind if you dad had those. Heh heh heh.” that their daughters don’t even understand but will absorb and start to assume is just the normal way grown up women talk about grown up men. I want to playfully ask my waiter if I can have extra nuts on my salad and for him to swat my arm with an Oh, you because he knows if he doesn’t his manager will yell at him. I want other men to pretend to like going there so I think they’re cool. I want to go to Cahones during my lunch break at work and when I come back and tell the other women in the office where I went they chuckle slightly and the men around us suddenly feel self conscious and they don’t know why.
I think the reason why the phrase “I’m not like most girls” annoys me so much is because women have been conditioned to feel like they have to disassociate themselves from the female gender to be recognised as an interesting human being and if that isn’t fucked up then I don’t know what is
Trying 2 look bad today
so i’ll just assume the duck face was on purpose
I know you arent saying some shit with your comic sans ass self??? please. theres no duck face it is called a SLIGHT POUT DUE TO VOLUPTUOUS LIPS
i’ll be like 40 w/no kids and people will say “aw i’m so sorry for you” and i’ll be like how was the fucking wiggles reunion tour asshole i went to italy last week for fun and didn’t have to hire a sitter
This is a very sad mentality. To think oneself more important than that of progeny is the sign of a failed human life.
so the wiggles concert wasn’t as good as you thought it would be huh
Zayn Malik is a 1080p person living in a 144p world
Life hack: deal with your emotions by becoming so sleep deprived you no longer have higher order brain functions.
at my 16th birthday party my friend john accidentally flashed one of his balls and i remember it in vivid color & detail like sometimes i forget the faces of loved ones but that single nut haunts me. one time i fell in a ditch and i kept sabotaging myself like “what if the last thing i think of before i die is john’s nut” like i wasn’t actually gonna die but these are the kinds of things you consider when you fall in a ditch. john’s nut